Now unlike the other posts I’m not worried about you seeing this as you are no longer with me but in your life and then your death I learnt some of my most valued lessons that I’ll keep with me forever.
It was the summer between year 4 and 5 that you were taken from me and the first big death in my life. My initial reaction was that it wasn’t true.
I didn’t help myself all through the memorial for you nor the year that followed as I thought you’d pop out and say haha I got you all. Part of me didn’t want to believe to had passed. Part of me didn’t fully understand death. Part of me just wanted that one last conversation with you to talk about rubbish one last time and to say goodbye the right way.
It took me a long time to get my head around it and built this strong sense of spirituality within me that I’ve been building on since.
With you I smile once a day for you as you had the most beautiful smile! Your laugh was infectious and you were the best football player at that age.
When I came to terms with your death I knew I had to be grateful each day for my life (which I wasn’t great at in my late teens early 20’s sorry). I leant that I need to make the list out of life. I learnt that I need to do something each day to make me smile. I learnt that if it isn’t fun I shouldn’t do it! I leant to live without boundaries but to be weary of the love I let in.
In your death I learnt a lot about life. I am lucky to live the life I have and I will never take that for granted. I’m lucky to have my family and friends. And I’m lucky I get to do what I like with my life with little to no restrictions.
If I could have that one last conversation with you at that age it would be about bayblades or some other cool toy at the time and I’d give you a big hug before I said goodbye.
If I could have that lay conversation with you now I would still talk about Bayblades (they were cool and need a comeback), have jokes and possibly update you on amazing tv and I would end it with the best hug before I said goodbye.
Because of you I never say goodbye always see you later as I never want the interaction to end.