Ah you have ADHD what does that mean. You can’t sit still, you need a fidget cube, you always want to do jumping jacks, does your meds make you space out or numb you…..
All of those things have been said to me and met with shock when i start to describe that its more my mind on a constant treadmill, the fact that I am in search for constant simulation hence why I am always up and moving. They don’t get my wack-a-mole description of my mind or how most of my symptoms link to what helped the best cavemen survive and evolve. It’s crazy how they assume that my medication should make me numb and zone out and when I tell them its not meant to do that but allow me to have just a bit more control of my life and thoughts they don’t get it.
It’s a constant struggle trying to explain my mind and though patterns to people and my constant apologies as to why things have not been completed on time or projects left half done and while this is a product of my nature to try something new and looking for constant simulation it makes it even more euphoric when I complete something cool and new that people didn’t get when I was explaining it to them.
You see I see my ADHD like a superpower. That combined with my dyslexia allows me to see the world through the best and most unique googles. My mind allows me to work all around the clock with an intense focus and I can start and complete tasks in ridiculous time when it is exciting and new. I have unique interpersonal skills, problem solving skills, motivational skills and amazing resilience. My unique view of life can help uplift others and allow them to have impartial views on life. I have a level of wisdom that I can only tap into though when I take my meds.
You see my brain does keep files on almost every thing (my brain is the biggest hoarder) but I cant always retrieve the right information or find the right words when I don’t talk the meds so one of two things happen. I’m either tongue tied, blurt out something insensitive or completely untrue or I become silent – this mode I hate the most as I want to take part in conversation but I cant find the words and my brain can’t stop or slow down enough for me to formulate an effective input to the conversation. I hate when I am in any of those modes as I can’t speak my mind and contribute. So I take my pills. My pills help me talk in most situations. It helps me slow down enough to write effectively with less mistakes and more cohesion in my ideas. The pills help me bridge the gaps in my explanations and complete a task. The pills help me channel my energy in the right place and manage my distractions. The pills have helped reduce my headaches from over simulation and helped with my light and sound sensitivity. The pills have helped me regulate my emotions and allowed me to have a better grasp of my reality.
So when I say I take my pills its not to make me feel numb but quite the opposite, It helps me feel alive!
Some of my favourite youtube videos that I feel best explain ADHD
A short film about ADHD:
Ah and just to let you know this blog post came as I had a notification that I had a new audible credit and as I was logging on to get my audiobook I got taken into my wordpress and distracted big time! My meds may be wearing off but at least I got to concentrate enough to write this and spell check it! WIN