Past, Present and into the Future
Since I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder I have been reflecting on the past quite a lot, looking at how this condition is effective my presently and how I am coming to terms with this diagnosis and then looking to the future and how I can make it a super power for me.
I have found myself able to let go of past mistakes, make amends and forgive myself quite freely since the diagnosis. The straight talking doctor who told me ‘none of your past misdates were your fault’ liberated me to finally start to seek inner peace. He allowed me to forgive myself and become a better person. He allowed me to begin to blossom into who I can truly be no shame attached.
Since then I have been living more in the moment. My present while bored at times has been spontaneous but controlled. It has been organised but new things bursting through. I have never felt so in control of my life like I am now. I feel able to do what ever I put my mind too. I am realistic and taking charge of my thoughts and actions. I am feeling productive and at times overwhelmed with the ability to want to do. Although I am still not at 100% to get back to work I am a lot better than I once was. I am seeking strength from this situation and feeling good! While my moods are up and down and temperamental I am the most optimistic I have been in a while. The present is good!
In the future I am looking to help others accept help and accept the reality of their situations. I want to study again and develop a strong role in leadership at school. I never thought I could be a head but maybe I could be one day. I didn’t think I would make a good wife, but maybe I will be one one day. I never wanted to be a mum but I’m open to adoption and being a step parent (I still don’t want to bring life into this world but happy to help and support life already here). My future for the first time in a long time looks bright and I am excited about where I will go once I have my present under control.