Social situations (FRIENDS, who needs them)
Have you ever been in one of those relationships with a new partner and they get serious too quick or say I love you way before its time? Well when it comes to friendships that’s me! I can drag you into an intense friendship early on and it’s not until you realise that the love word has been said is when you realise that we’ve only know each other for a week and not for years like I’ve made you feel.
Socially I always seem to have no problem at first due to always wanting that feel good factor I make new friends fast. It’s something new. Someone new! I get new laughs and opinions and new energy to enjoy. However the novelty of hyper happy tia soon wears off. My incessant talking annoys other, my intense attention of new people becomes off putting, my need to know all about you now becomes irritating and just when people begin to get use to the impulsiveness of me I change completely into a different person who is afraid to say the wrong thing to you. Once I realised that I’ve crossed a line my whole attitude towards you changes and it’s like getting to know a new person. I react differently and don’t seem as interested in your life as I once was. I’m not always optimistic and happy and can provided dark moments when you want them least. One thing that never changes is the fact that I do not always understand when things are appropriate and when they aren’t.
Over the years I have encountered many “friends” but not many stick around. Besides my work colleagues who are stuck with me! None of my firmness besides one group have stayed with me for. Prolonged period of time. In high school I changed schools in year 8 leaving behind those childhood friends I made to make new ones. Being so young and naive I made friends fast not realising that I was annoying almost everyone but these guys took it with a punch of salt and seemed to enjoy my company. Besides the fact that I never hung out with them outside of school they always invited me out and kept me in the group (although many pull have dropped me like g before). During sixth form my novelty wore off and I hardly spoke to them (mostly my fault as I’m terrible and keeping in touch with people without constant reminders or seeing them regularly due to work). It wasn’t until the invention of snap chat and a random message asking if I wanted to go out with them that led to rebuilding the friendship to that state that it is at now. They hVe come to know that I’m terrible and messaging people and I’m no good at forward planning so they always remind me that we are doing something and always ask me to come. They don’t mind the random mood changes and love me for me even though I’m not the best at expressing emotions I hope they know that I love them. They are the only honest friends I have and to be honest I lie, the bluntness they give.
But not all friendships have been like this, the other group of friends I had were my uni friends. I was close to having a great relationship with them after uni, but life got in the way. I flaked on them and didn’t keep up contact. I loss interest and became a ghost to them. Form girls I went on holidays with to ones I occasionally see on social media. I never gave that friendship a fair try away from university, thinking that they had no use for me in their lives and me finding every excuse under the sun not see them. It was a friendship that was doomed from the start as I got caught in the trap of bitching about others when I shouldn’t have. But it was my first adult friendship and I learnt a lot from it!
I also have been known to go through stages of being rather intense at the beginning of a string friendship. I can care too much as all the emotions come to the surface. I think about what the friendship could become and I can become overbearing and relentless in try to obtain that status of my dream. This can have the opposite effect and have me pushing people away that I have begun to connect with. I have learnt from this and I am trying to tame my eagerness and take it slow when building new friendships.